You can't motorboat a personality
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
