Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
