she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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