Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
