how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize