if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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