you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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