the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
