Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
