Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
