left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
