So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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