I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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