everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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