Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
