in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
