I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
