I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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