Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
