Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
