Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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