she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
