i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
