Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize