So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
