Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
