only if we run a train.
done.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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