im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
