I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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