GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
