That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
