so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
