God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
