Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
