ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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