today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
