Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
