I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drake has all the answers
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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