Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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