lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
