I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
