Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
