the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
