Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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