Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
