So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
