Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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