i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
