I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
