Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
