We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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