hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize