We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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