It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
