I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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