Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
