I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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