I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We talked him into tasing himself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize