I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
