grandma shit on top of the toilet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
