i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
