i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
