I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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