the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
