did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
