we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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