No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
