Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
