Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
