We won't sleep together?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
