I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
